5 Powerful Lessons I Got from “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck”
Five Lessons of Self-Awareness I learned from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
The lessons of certain books just stick with you, whether it’s because of their writing style or because they were read during a time when you connected with them most. The lessons just seemed to make perfect sense and they stayed with you for a long time, and sometimes for the rest of your life.
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson is one such book for me, I liked the blunt writing style, and it worked for me. I have read it around 3–4 times in the last 2 years and I’ve always come out with a different perspective, it has helped me in finding happiness and dealing with my problems & struggles.
Ironically the subtle art of “NOT” giving a F*CK is a book that actually talks about giving a F*CK. But to the right values in life, to the right people, to the right relationships, and all the other things that really matter. It also talks about happiness in a very unorthodox way, it teaches you to be humble and embrace failures and pain & persuades us in choosing our struggles.
Here are 5 Powerful Lessons that I’ve learned from The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
Lesson #1: Happiness Comes From Solving Problems
The biggest misconception about happiness is that something outside of us will make us happy, a better job, a good-looking spouse, a fancy car, having a lot of money, or all of these combined. It is one of the greatest delusions that we live in 24/7. We chase things & people that we think will bring us happiness.
We crave a problem-free life of contentment and ease. But the reality is we can never escape problems, they are a constant in life. When you solve one problem you are creating different problems for yourself. When you solve your problem of not spending enough time with your family, then you are creating a new problem of figuring out what you’ll actually do during that time.
“Problems never stop they merely get upgraded or exchanged. Happiness comes from solving problems not avoiding them.
To be happy you need something to solve. Happiness is therefore a form of action; it is activity and not something that is bestowed to you by someone sitting on the clouds. You have to actively & consistently work for it. Happiness is a constant work in progress because solving problems is a constant work in progress.
The solutions to today’s problems will lay the foundation for tomorrow’s problems and so on. True happiness comes when you solve problems you enjoy having and solving.” — Mark Manson
Denying your problems or constantly victimizing yourself to gain attention, sympathy or approval won’t help you in any way, it will only make it worse and will only add more barricades between you and your happiness.
Lesson #2: We’re Wrong About Everything
Growth is an endlessly iterative process. When we learn something new, we don’t go from “wrong” to “right”, rather we go from “wrong” to “slightly less wrong”, and when we learn something additional we go from slightly less wrong to slightly less wrong than that.
So we are always wrong but as we consume better information, meet new people, absorb different perspectives, and have rich life experiences we are constantly forming new beliefs and approaching truth & perfection without actually ever reaching truth or perfection.
We shouldn’t seek to find the ultimate “right” answer for ourselves, but rather look for ways to be a little less wrong each day. Many people become so obsessed with being “right” about their life that they never end up living it, they couldn’t summon up the courage to admit to themselves that they are wrong and they don’t know much, and they fail to form new & better beliefs and they fail at getting to know themselves, but they claim to know the world.
When you say “I don’t know” it opens up a way to learn something new, being wrong opens up a possibility of change and the opportunity for growth. Don’t be afraid of being wrong, in fact, extract joy from it because you are about to learn something new.
Lesson #3: Failure & Pain Are The Way Forward
Our fear of failure comes when we are exposed to a constant state of comparison during our school years. Where we are judged & punished based on our academic performance by our parents and by our teachers.
Sometimes overbearing & critical parents do not let their kids scratch their knees and learn to walk on their own by making mistakes. And robs the kids of having their own share of experiences and mistakes. And later in life when they are confronted with failure or rejection in life they don’t know how to handle it.
“We can be truly successful only at something we’re willing to fail at. If we’re unwilling to fail then we’re unwilling to succeed.” — Mark Manson
The fear comes from choosing values that involve tangible external goals outside of our control rather than choosing values that are process-oriented. If you measure your self-worth by seeing how many people like me, then you are subjecting yourself to misery because your failure is 100% defined by the action or reactions of others.
The same thing goes with pain our human brain is wired to avoid pain at all costs. It chooses a path of least resistance. But pain is an integral part of growth, Discovering yourself is a painful process. To deny the pain is to deny our own potential.
Just as we go through physical pain to build strength and endurance, Emotional pain is required to build emotional resilience and endurance.
“Your real resume is just a catalog of all your suffering. If I ask you to describe your real life to yourself, and you look back from your deathbed at the interesting things you’ve done, it’s all going to be around the sacrifices you made, the hard things you did.” — Naval Ravikant
Lesson #4: Choose your F*cks Wisely
Social media and this world of consumerism want you to give a fuck about everything. They’ll persuade you to believe that you are inadequate, you need a new car, a bigger house, a prettier girlfriend, a new haircut, or a luxury vacation.
They’ll make you believe that these are the only ways to be liked by your peers, accepted in society, or to be worthy. They want you to give a fuck about all of these things because it is good for business.
The problem is that when go around giving fucks to anything & everything then that is not good for your mental health. First, they’ll press on your deep-sitting insecurities and vulnerabilities and then tell you that to fix these you need to buy more stuff. It causes you to become overly attached to the superficial & fake, to dedicate your life to chasing mirages of happiness and satisfaction.
The key to a good life is putting a high value on your fucks, do not hand them out so easily. Give a fuck about what is truly important in your life.
Lesson #5: Choose Your Struggles
If someone asks you “What do you want in life?” you’ll say a bunch of things that you want or desire. But the major cause of our unhappiness is that we all want a lot of things in life. But we are not ready or not willing to struggle for it, we are not willing to sustain the pain for it.
People want six-pack abs but they are not willing to sustain the pain that comes from doing hundreds of crunches and the pain of sticking to a ruthless diet. There are a lot of people who want a real healthy relationship in their life, but they aren’t ready to endure the pain that comes from difficult conversations, awkward silences, & emotional or psychological pain.
Real, serious, fulfillment and meaning have to be earned through choosing and managing our struggles. You can’t have a pain-free life. Pain is something we must endure, but we can choose which pain we are willing to tolerate, and which pain we are willing to endure.
A lot of times we are only in love with the result and not the process that leads us to the result. We can’t achieve results without going through the process.
What determines your success isn’t, “What do you want to enjoy?” The relevant question is “What pain do you want to sustain?”
Who you are is defined by what you’re willing to struggle for. You won’t find any joy in reaching the mountain top the real joy is in the climb itself.
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